I am the black dog

i'm just an outlaw scumfuc playing my rock n roll

2006-09-10T18:27:40Z

DOOOON'T TALK TO MEEEEEE
god gg, if i didn't think i wasn't gay anymore, i'd be sticking my dick up your dead ass
ohhhh baby

so, how's it been snapping?

remember that one bitch, marla, ok "she understaaaaaands me". whatever. she can suck a baby's dick. she set a homeless man on fire and let him loose in my house. what the fuck? bradley, you're out of my life, marla, you're out of my life. get the fuck out.

mmmm soft alcohol. no good.

ARE YOU LOOKIN' AT MY EYE?

"you must have discovered crystal meth"
get the fuck out.

yo, look, it's pretty obvious i don't know any of you people, and it's pretty obvious none of you like me
what are you doing here?
get the fuck out.

i don't know where i'm goin'
i still love you. i promise. i still love everyone and i still don't get chicks and i still hate the white devil and i still think missile belts are the hottest shit in the world and i still want to push a pregnant woman down the stairs.
"jettt i'm havin' yo baaaaby"

i've been thinking about myself lately
i think i'm a pretty cool guy, i guess
i think i made some good choices, you know
gave up those dick suckers with devillocks, those crazy chicks in red sweaters

sorry if i'm not the same guy you always knew, but i definitely still kick ass.

never had nothing that could keep my satisfied
'cept my booze and my drugs and that woman by my side
she was no woman but she's good enough for me
she's got that cunt and spread her legs and that's all i need

am i really that gay?

this is my mind being blown

this is me kicking butt as usual

and this is clearly me doing a calvin klein ad

you won't be laughing!

jettumz @ 2006-08-04T13:38:00

2006-08-04T19:08:46Z

i was resurrected
i hope while i was dead you masturbated over my corpse and came all over my face
i blew my brains out
so did you
blow my brains out

so what's been going down?

i promise, i've changed. i got real drunk, bradley went back to hell and just fucked the fuck off somewhere
things were going great. then he shaved his head.
the rest of my life? i have this fucking hole
been living off the charred remains of homeless men people light on fire and set loose in homes
had no home, been drinking too much (did i tell you i quit drinking? sorry, i fucking lied)
hey babes, it's ok

i'm looking for a woman
i'm sick of being gay and homeless
living out of someone's brain

HEY
GUYS

i made friends with this russian. we have a lot in common.

jettumz @ 2006-02-03T14:43:00

2006-02-03T20:44:41Z

nobody knows what i look like
until now
fuck me.

my titties are hot.

jettumz @ 2005-10-16T20:29:00

2005-10-17T01:46:30Z

i keep forgetting my middle name. does anyone remember what it is?

jettumz @ 2005-10-16T20:09:00

2005-10-17T01:31:21Z

FUCK YO MUTHA!

after losing my job and moving to tha east side of town, i now listen only to oldskool. my skin color has turned black as well. if you don't believe me you CAN SUCK MY COCK, BITCH.

to celebrate, i shot some white people and fought the power.
god i am full of piss, literally!

i drew this really good picture! i wish i could show you but it broke.

quit pretending you know about things! "so this is this!" "so you mean it's like this?" "no, it's not like that". hahaha suck it! your brain is too wrong to know about anything. stop having interests.

next week i'm going to iraqistan to throw missiles at the heads of the finnish. those fucking fins. fishfins. chinese food. broccoli. pissssssss?

MOVE BITCH
GET OUT THE WAY
MOVE BITCH
GET OUT THE WAY
MOVE BITCH
GET OUT THE WAY
MOVE BITCH
GET OUT THE WAY
MOVE BITCH
GET OUT THE WAY
MOVE BITCH
GET OUT THE WAY
MOVE BITCH
GET OUT THE WAY
MOVE BITCH...

i think my friends should do something for me. somebody post a comment about something. and the next person who decides to post a comment, reply to something the last person said, and so on.

if you don't do that, you can suck my cock too.

plez send nudez

2005-08-01T06:25:42Z

don't trip

i've been having a lot of sex and having a lot of fun and doing a lot of things that are legal and good for me.
i wonder if you still like me? maybe i don't post enough pictures of my tits for you? maybe...maybe?
i don't like some stuff.

wwwwwwwwwhaaaaaat? where's my stories? well i'll tell you where my stories are! i don't fucking have them anymore. when you do shit that you're supposed to do, when you're not getting jerked off by dirty fags in dirty rooms with dirty people your life makes a big turn-around. when you eat nothing but carrots, your skin starts to turn a slight green and kids notice, i thought i might mention that too.

ok yeah fuck it. bradley was over. lots of jerking me off in dirty rooms. he's such a dirty fag. i love it.

ok yeah people don't like this stuff. i graduated from art school, got a job in a very nice place with air conditioning and no trees. not that there would be trees around here or anything.

i've decided to start rapping. i'm good. i swear to god. fuck.
fuck, i lied again. don't read my entries because i keep making shit up.

right now i'm updating while sitting in d's room in boxers with flies and barf and shit. and there's a bunch of tough looking guys with afros looking me up. one of them is in a wheel chair. real tough. he's got a house on his shirt.

hey is there any ~~girls~~ fly honeys on my friends list? will you send me some naked pictures? maybe post them in reply to this entry? maybe just some teasers? i want to prove to these big guys i'm no homosexual. come on.

ok i guess you don't have to do that. i'm a real nice guy and i hate when girls exploit themselves over the internet like that. you guys are a bunch of sluts.

nah.

YOU'RE TOO FAT
A FEW BARFS WILL CLEAR THAT UP

love you, so much,
jesus fucking...khrist.

2 KEWT

2005-01-03T06:11:16Z

THIS IS MY BABY CUZ SHAQUANDALINDSAYCUTIEJIMMY

chunker blitzkrieg

2004-12-31T05:51:51Z

don't tell me i've lost it. i really haven't. but i'm not quite a guy right now.
punk rock sucks.

bradley is a good or bad guy. i couldn't date him. we wanted to grow old together making movies about bastard buildings that trip over wires and fall on airplanes, because no one makes movies like that. the buildings would consist of anorexic teen girls who cut themselves in the bathrooms at school and the planes would be full of helpless old wintergreens who need their medication.

i saw this keychain that had a baby on it and said "ask me about my medication"
what a laugh, i tell ya what.

either way, the buildings would be real fuckin tall.

and in my movie, i'd be a giant leprechaun (or maybe a leopard. or a leper) with boots as big as the buildings, and i think i might be the one to kick over the buildings to make them trip over wires. i'll be as big as the ocean twice. or doubled. or something to that effect. i wish i were a giant leprechaun that nobody dared to shoot missiles at. i'd steal all the missiles in the world and eat them, or wear them as a belt, because i'm a punk rocker.

~~faux~~ genuine missile belts, on sale for $36.99 at hot topic.

leprechauns should all get missile belts. for free.
because they're fucking leprechauns.

bradley wants to be malicemcdarkness mcsatanheels from the underworld and have glowing red eyes. he wants to rise from the earth and spit fire and shit, and that's kinda lame. i used to have horns, i never showed bradley. i don't want it up the butt.

i don't want your bad poetry.

hey!

loves,
me

p.s. an old, lifelong friend died yesterday. may his soul find happy rest in a new body or a new world.
rest in peace, bingo.

sick

2004-08-10T05:12:40Z

bradley, oh god bradley.
you are my friend, friend.
you give me blow job
i give you a sandwich from subway.
we run off into rainbow sunshine together
with barking dogs.
and puerto rican prostitutes.
we do each other hair.
and like it so much.
and then when you are asleep,
i put my large cock in your mouth.
and you wake up
and laugh.
oh so silly.
i bake muffins for you.
and you say
"jet, you so hot, i want ass now!"
and that is how the story end.

bradley is my new best friend, just so you all know.
i wanted to do this super cool entry in which i used pictures, but i don't know what to use pictures of.

i was going to look up "sexy" on google image search and give you a nice picture of what i thought marla and bradley were equivalent to, but all i found were pictures of dumb looking, half naked 18-year-old girls. oh! there's an old lady. i found a picture of some 40-something blonde lady with her 'ol saggy tits hanging out everywhere. it's really giving me a boner. oh. lesbians. i haven't seen that before. ok...ok...ENOUGH "SEXY" OLDER WOMEN, ALRIGHT?

my entries are all just good typing.

hey this is really milking my prostate. i will continue searching.
oh...oh! uhhh...OH MY...OH MY GOD SHE'S GETTING GOOZED! [said in a very high-pitched voice, you see]

there you go, that picture is everything that is marla and bradley.

also, someone tell me how old this girl looks, seriously.

AHHHGAD. WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!!!>???!
. this entry is done.
hfdfhfgjjdfgfdg

i'm sorry. sub par.

i hope my good poetry was...good.

jettumz @ 2004-07-19T11:30:00

2004-07-19T16:30:28Z

hey there home grease, wha's crackulatin'?

my life is obviously far too hectic and fast-paced to be updating this thing on this internet business now-a-days. actually that's not true. last night, i layed around at this guy's house named bradley. he wasn't a hippie at all. actually, i was starting to question it. this bradley guy who wore clothes that were way too tight on him. black clothes. and had a devillock. what a loser. yeah, his house was filled with incense. and me and ashley were laying on his bed looking at the ceiling because he draws pictures of naked fat guys in blood or red paint or something. totally.

i think he kept trying to give me a blowjob. not that i minded, but i would be like sitting there eating some...sprouts...and he'd be all over my nuts. like a dog. and then i'd think about marla and want to cry so i told ashley to kick me in the face. then i thought it was a bad idea because i knew ashley would tend to do things that were told of her, so she kicked me square in the forehead, right while this stick figure pseudo-deathrock asshole is messing with my pants.

fuckIN A.@@SRGFG

i don't like doing stuff anymore. it gives me migranes. and gonorrhea. i mean the clap.

oh maaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnn...

so, did you hear, the soviet union has been reformed? and last night, they re-built the entire berlin wall.

no, i'm serious.
go watch the news you fucks.

ok i'm sorry for calling anyone on my friends list a "fuck". you know i love you.

hehehehehehehehehehe

oh yeah and they were trying to give me beer. and i said "nah dude, i don't drink beer, i only drink bad japanese soda". and then i realized what i was saying and went to the bathroom and shoved two fingers down my throat.
actually, i didn't do that. my gag reflex sucks anyway. but no, i really realized i don't drink beer anymore.

yeah, i remember that conversation i had with marla. she hates drunk people. she can love me. she really can love me. i want her box.

MARLAOMG<3<3READMYLIVEJOURNALLLLLLLL!!!1

*sigh*
no more drinky for jet
i'll stick to the mountain dew.
or mountain lightning

yeah pirates of the carribean 2. omg j. depp.

GOODNIGHT SAILORS... i mean good morning.

your lover,
jet fucking fernando fucking knell fucking and a half

eggi-wegs

2004-04-19T20:32:10Z

how was everyone's easter? bad? bad.

i think i just might get around to deleting some of you fucks who keep making a shit out of me having you added. i just don't understand how insulted one can be by someone taking interest in them. especially when they don't have to add me back. i give up. there's a lot cooler people who could take your place.

yeah, i don't update very often because i'm too busy keeping up my imaginary journal. i have this really weird obsession with pretending to be a sixteen year old girl in wisconsin who doesn't really exist. call me insane, i bet you will.

sailboats and lighthouses are not good subjects for photography, i tell ya what kids.

OH GOD DAMNIT GOD FUCK DAMNIT FUCK SHIT HELL AND A HALF.
so last night i was hanging out with marla. we walked around town and broke garbage. mostly me. imagine me, 6 feet and shrinking, with a fence post. NO! I'M STARTING TO SOUND LIKE HER! not marla, because she's fucking hot and awesome, but...her...that bitch who talks like she's really smart or somethin but nothing she says makes sense and she sounds like she's trying to be witty but she really isn't and her journal SUCKS ASS and AHHHHHHG. if i...wasn't spending so much time pretending to be a sixteen year old chick in wisconsin i'd kick her in the face with my steel-toe combat boots.

i guess this is why i don't get laid

back to marla. i can't believe she doesn't give me shit. she seems so...not the type of chick who walks around town and breaks things. she seems like the type of chick who would rather sit around and smoke pot and...plant a garden or something. or write bullshit (no offence) philosophy whilst listening to [insert deep and philosophical band here that isn't tool]. i remember jaine was like that for a month until she got a black eye. oh man, those were the days. when jaine and i would kick people in the face. and then we'd go out to the lake and walk on the water and these kids on ghetto bikes would be there going "shit man you're jesus" and i'd be like "damn right". right horrorshow.

i touched her thigh...yeah...i bet she...has ears.
MARLA...sex? please? maybe? yes?

AAAAAAIIEEEEEEEE YEAH I LIKE J. DEPP YEAH.
@$^$^&%*^*

you suck me sometimes,
-jflasdfdfhk-

jettumz @ 2004-03-02T16:43:00

2004-03-02T22:46:02Z

so kids how goes it?
yeah me too

so i decided i'm the mayor of goochland

dfmsdfgkdgfef

WHEN I HAVE SOMETHING ON MY MIND
I PROMISE
BLAHBLAHBLAHJELLOBIAFRABLAHBLAHBLAH

i paint murals

so i had this conversation with this one guy the other day and it went a little something like this:

this one guy: hey you look like you need a buttfuckin
me: yeah, you're absolutely right
this one guy: so do you like wax fruit?
me: goddamnit, my anus is leaking
this one guy: i think you're going to have to work through that
me: hey are you homeless
this one guy: yeah except i'm not
me: i only like homeless people. if you're not homeless you suck
this one guy: i'm a squatter
me: really?
this one guy: no actually i live with my aunt and use her computer
me: OH MY GOD! MY AIDS ARE ON FIRE!
this one guy: MINE TOO!

i wanna bang matt stone

umpqua?

no motivation for a real post!!!

2004-01-11T05:52:40Z

my liver is leaking
it's those fuck damn crackers

i am a generic kid with a livejournal
i'm a sad little fat girl...i weigh 105 pounds and that's too much. plus my daddy won't let me go to see marilyn manson in concert because he says he worships the devil. stupid parents don't know anything. they're all a bunch of conformists. so i'm gonna go cut myself, then drip my blood from my bloody wrists into a deep, dark menacing well, so it fills up with my own blood. then i am going to ~~hop~~ throw myself into that deep, dark menacing well so i drown in darkness and blood and sorrow and bats (of the baseball variety) and other things of such nature.

that joke has been used far too much
far too...much
oh...oh oh oh. i forgot to talk about jello biafra. everyone should see the bikini bandits experience. it's the greatest thing ever. ever. in existence. except probably not.

BEER!...is bad for your health...sometimes. on saturdays. unfortunately, it's a saturday. i like saturday. unfortunately, today is sunday.

my back is itchy but i have an amputated arm. i wonder how people who have amputated arms (both of them, that is) scratch their back. maybe they're really talented and can use their toes. people think that people with amputated arms are disabled, but they can actually do a lot more shit than the average person can do! the same goes for people with amputated legs...any kind of amputees for that matter. next time you see an amputee, you should be jealous. i wish _i_ could have some missing limbs.

so maybe the subject line lied. maybe this is a real post. actually, originally, i was just going to put that bit on the top about "it's those fuck damn crackers". it was gonna end there. of course.

my nipples are erect. i'm very excited because it's tuesday.

ooooh. mars. keep those crackas off mars. and back in the yard. covered in mustard. and tape. electrical tape.

i don't like duct tape very much because it smells bad. i know a bunch of lame punk kids who stick it all over their stuff. something's broken that cannot be mended with safety pins? stick duct tape on it. my penis broke once and i tried to fix it with duct tape...oh lord, do these kids have brains? i wonder how many retard punk kids tried to duct tape their dicks back on their body when their penis breaks or falls off.

i still haven't gotten laid. how long has it been? i feel like a dog. or something to that effect. no...not a dog. i feel like a creature from the land of dissonance who hasn't gotten laid in quite some time. this amount of time will not be discussed. just the fact that i haven't gotten laid in a long time is all you need to know.

i'd also like to point out, for my own reference, that i need to learn to stop repeating things and saying unnecessary things. i like typing. typing is good for the mind, body, and soul.

anus

well...i've run out of things to say...er...type. TYPE!

uh

your lover...sometimes. on weekends,
-JFK-

sexual intercourse is for losers who can't get girlfriends...just like final fantasy

2003-12-01T05:20:59Z

i am an attic martyr
WIENER!

i live in a giant bucket.

your lover,
-jfk- (JFGAY)

jettumz @ 2003-10-03T23:07:00

2003-10-04T04:07:42Z

this is me, if anyone was wondering what i looked like. i'm sexy right? no seriously...please...say i'm sexy (or don't, you can always do that)

by the way, this is the first picture of me there is (the first ever drawn) check out those crappy drawing skills! so jesus is cool. i meant heysoos. bye.

if you want to see a picture of my twin sister, jaine, click

yeah, she's taller than me and shit. fuck her noodles

check out my imaginary friend's journal

2003-09-28T20:51:18Z

hey all i'm sorry i don't update much so i'm making it up to you by UPDATING A LOT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!

UPDATEUPDATEUPDATE

i'm so giddy today and i don't eaten know why
eaten
haha
i can't type
weeeooooweeeoooo

fuck damn crackers

oh oh oh

2003-09-28T19:31:12Z

i also like the don't sue people panda

ok that's all bye bye

matt and trey WOOOOOOO

2003-09-28T19:29:23Z

i'm also a fangirl(boy) of THESE GUYS!

<3 <3 <3!!!1

2003-09-28T19:25:57Z

twehehehe. yes. twe. i am such teh J3110 fangirl!!!11 *makes out with and dances with life-size jello carboard cutout that i really don't have*

yeah...this reminds me of my backstreet boys days. i loved that nick guy. he was such a heartthrob! until he got rid of that bowl cut. yeah. then my celebrity crushness turned over to jello. yeah. no not really...

so who wants to throw naked barbie dolls at me now?

kaboom.

goddamnit. lame entry. you shouldn't even read it because it's so lame.

2003-09-28T19:15:49Z

well, since i came on to change my background i figured i should update as well.

sooo...how's everyone? good? good.

yeah so shit has been pretty boring lately. i mean literally, my shit...there's nothing interesting about it. i keep looking in the toilet hoping to see some chunks of corn or some bugs or something but all i see is nice clean poop. so boring.

i got really sick last night but i'm okay now.

so yeah, i have a new background. nothing special.

i wish i had something more interesting to say in this entry. it's so lame...i mean jeezy chreezy. oh yeah, speaking of which, i envy those who are going to see eddie izzard live *gasp gasp*

goddamn. poopstick. i don't know. bahhh...jaine? MARLA! i love marla still. i wonder if we're ever going to have sex...

goddamnit this entry is complete crap!

-jfk-

jettumz @ 2003-09-18T14:10:00

2003-09-18T21:09:56Z

ooh this band is so hardcore "there's a demon inside my head...blahblahblahsomethingaboutbeingdead"
uh...ok i don't know what band it was

much better

evil commie empire's gone

2003-09-10T20:00:23Z

jello made me say the words "big stink"

penisbreath

2003-09-10T19:59:32Z

let's all have a happy happy happy day.

oh yeah i wonder if tomorrow there will be a big stink at school about those buildings that crashed into those airplanes. buildings should really watch where they're going. i mean this clumsy building day has to be remembered so well because you know how much of a bigger deal it is when "someone else" does the killing. i mean of course when we plan out our little "wars" and go out there and kill thousands of people, they don't count. nobody mourn them, they were probably just dirty assholes living in another country who some day we will control with our almighty power of flags. ok no more eddie jokes. we will control because we are the kings of the world. and all this money our great leader wants to spend on the military, i'm just totally for it. i mean what else do we need to spend money on? oh, all those dying people out on the streets can wait. they're not as important as ruling the universe. i'm so proud to be in america, i mean this country is just so great. *sheds tear*

on that note, let's say the

i don't know if you've been following the saddam hussein of the united states george bush, but like adolf hitler one of the first things he did to whip people up into a blind frenzy of ugly nationalism is make a real big stink about desacration of the national deity, excuse me, flag. in almost identical language to hitler, every day in school in america i had to rise and pledge allegiance to the flag even as the vietnam war was going on across the street at the university of colorado. and i was held over all afternoon in third grade to write over and over again "i will not laugh during flag pledge, i will not laugh during flag pledge." and i haven't forgotten either.

i pledge defiance to the flag of the united snakes of captivity
and to the republic for which it stands, i dip it in kerosine and stick it up the ass of you know who and light it!
one nation, under god, or else.
one nation, under psychopathic pentagon gangsters who's idea of national security is concentration camps for people who dare to use the drugs that the cia brings in and the government supplies themselves.
one nation, under wall street. if the cops and the government are all crooks, i might as well be one too.
one nation, of sedated tabloid robots who actually believe what they see on tv...even on mtv. and when asked what they think about it, they reply, "i don't care."
one nation, drowning in its own garbage.
indivisible from the fall of rome
with liberty and justice for all...who can afford it.

burn, baby, burn! burn, baby, burn! old glory, the yankee swastika. burn, baby, burn! burn, baby, burn! whenever i see you i see red, whenever i see you i see red. if the communist countries can do it, why can't we? throw the bastards out and try some real democracy! run not by rich people, not by military people, not by sons of senators' sons of senators's sons of senators' sons. have you noticed how the more they give people back their freedom over there, the more they take it away over here? so now, before it's too late to even talk about stuff like this, be a patriot. a good patriot, the one who cares about their country more than forcing people to worship a flag, and take the swastika, the yankee swastika, and let it burn! burn! burn, baby, burn!

-jello biafra

ilikeshortsongs

2003-06-19T04:36:56Z

i usually don't update this often in one day

zdnsfgndskjgdgjhdfkjgg that was a word.

sooo...i'm so sick of all this...bullshit. like, what jaine keeps telling me. WHAT WAS I PUT HERE FOR!? i mean, you know here, this particular dimension. to get...bossed around by a bunch of white americans.

i think from now on when i make any reference to white people, it will be because i am making fun of ruben. because he makes fun of white people a lot, and therefore i am making fun of him for making fun of white people. but i make fun of white people too, so i guess i'm also making fun of myself. but if i was making fun of white people, and i always do, i wouldn't really be making fun of anybody i'd just be being myself. oh no now i'm lost.

goddamnit, i just haven't had jello for the longest time. jell-o. gello? eric boucher???

if i don't quit with the jello biafra references i am going to make some people angry. i don't like making people angry. angry people are very angry, and being angry is just not a cool thing. it's just so goddamn angry that it makes me angry. so angry, in fact, that i repeat myself. angriness, damn it all.

YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF COMMUNISTS!!!
wait...er...that's a good thing.
YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF NON-COMMUNISTS!!! WHY DON'T YOU GO BE...NON-COMMUNISTS SOMEWHERE ELSE, YOU NON-COMMUNISTS!!! YEAH, YOU HEARD ME!!!

so so so...i'm finding it harder to be myself because so many people are yelling at me saying...you know...wah wah take me off your friends list or i'll fall over and DIE! (you have to write DIE in all capital letters to make it seem more extreme). but then there's other people who are really cool who say "oh jet, you're so funny i want to marry you and have 72 of your children". and that makes me smile...actually nobody has said that but a few people have said some nice things. i like it when people say nice things to me because it makes me feel nice. so nice, in fact, that i repeat myself. how nice.

i have also made references to midgets going to war. it was something that made me very sick. goddamn all of you and your sick little scenes. i don't like sick little scenes because they make me really sick. so sick, in fact, that...well, you know the drill...

so what ever happened to that guy? you know the guy i'm talking about, homies. the one who drank some water and died.

and you...and you...i'll begin it like this again. and you stand on your platform, with king tv yelling in your ear "GET TO WORK! GET TO WORK YOU FUCKING PIECE OF COW POOP" (actually he doesn't say that. when it comes to this, it's no longer a laughing matter). he yells in my ear and he's telling me to go east. he's telling me it's so beautiful over there, where the gate starts to rust and the pupils get larger and everyone is singing. everyone is singing and they're all getting fucked in the ass with their shovels. i hate it over there. i like to pretend that i can actually see through the fence. and i walk away from it...and then what happens? i'm laying in some sleazy street that looks a lot like home at first sight. but the sky is actually grey. and there is this sun in the sky but it's hiding behind something they call clouds. and there isn't grass everywhere, and the trees grow out of the ground (where there actually are trees). and i'm like "OH FUCKIN SHIT WHAT AM I DOING HERE!?" and then i jump in a well and eat some cheese crackers.

so that's what it is.

you down wit opp?

your lover,
jfk

jettumz @ 2003-06-18T18:31:00

2003-06-18T23:33:49Z

this sucks. i can only have 750 friends.